Yes, I lost my cool

It was almost 7:30 PM last night while I was driving my way home via Koramangala 1st block. For some strange reason, all side roads leading to the Nous Infosystems mini-junction at Jakkasandra were blocked and there was a massive pile-up of vehicles who were just unable to reverse/ u-turn anywhere - and were stuck big time. Fortunately I happened to see the crowd from a distance, took a U and headed back towards the 1st block main road - just opposite CG Corel.

Just before this point, behind a hotel which advertises itself in a board outside as a 'multi cushion' restaurant and bar (I believe their Thai cushions are amazing!) - or behind a small'ish garment shop called Kanyaka, is an ATM - I don't even recall which bank, maybe SBI/ SBM types.

Now, that road is very narrow - 2 vehicles can pass side by side and it being a 2 way, there are usually two vehicles going on the opposite direction. I stop outside the ATM unable to move further thanks to an Alto stopped in front of me. I honk once, twice, use my headlight to communicate etc. An arm juts out of the Alto window and waves me to go past him. But, as even he can see, there were vehicles from the other side so the only thing worth doing is for him to move. Traffic was piling behind me too, and they were honking far more vigorously than me.

Finally, after a minute or two, I get a gap in the opposite side traffic and overtake this intrusive guy - stop adjacent to him and told him this, with a polite smile, "Please, could you please not stop here". Guess what I got in return!

Yes, a very nasty, "What? I waved you to go past, why didn't you?" as if the road adjacent to his car was an 8 lane highway. I repeated what I said again, with a even more polite smile. And, he lost it and shouted at me with a "I asked you to move no?". At this point, partly because of the fact that I was blocking traffic in all directions I lost my cool and showered some choice abuses at that gentleman (50+ elder - stupid me!) and moved in a huff and in a terrible mood.

Thinking about it later in the night, I wondered how he'd have reacted if I had chosen to be rough and harsh when I spoke first. He may have possibly relented meekly with a sorry. Or it could have ended up in a hand tussle. Whichever way it is, I'll take this as a lesson not to lose my cool the next time and focus on how to get that guy to follow rules - and the only way I can do that is by not portraying myself as a weakling in front of him.

And, the only way to pull that is by not losing my cool. Losing my cool gets me jittery and shouting. I end up feeling idiotic and wondering how we both aren't any different. Basically, it shows that I'm no more in control of the situation and that I've given in to a momentary sense of hasty idiocy.

Big lesson, that.

Show them who's better!

Yes! There's a way to get things done on the road by not being forceful. It works for me many times. Let me not focus on the times it hasn't worked, simply because the other party was an imbecile.

Lemme explain this.

You see a car/ bike in front of you slowing down with a u-turn hand signal (that itself is a huge plus, what more can you expect?). He stops. You stop behind him. After a mandatory 10 second gap, folks behind you start honking as if you have stopped the traffic intentionally. You buck to the pressure and honk at the guy in front of you, who is, in any case, desperately looking for a break in the other lane's traffic so he can squeeze in.

Try not honking and smiling at that guy understandingly! Try it. It directly puts the onus on the other guy and he'd in fact signal you that he's trying his best. It actually passes the onus on him to act fast without you using your horn.

This can be used for security guards at gates. Instead of honking, wait for a few seconds at the gate. If its dark, use your headlight to signal the guards. The next time he'd be doubly alert not just for you, but for everybody else! This is merely an extension one of my pet ideas on letting pedestrians cross, consciously and visibly waving at them to do so. Being humble has its benefits.

Now, what have you done? Simple. You have merely proved to the other party that you are a lot more mature, patience and civil. That you can actually look at the situation from the other person's point of view and act without bias. That puts you in a position of power. As against, you honking and feeling helpless.

As for the morons who take advantage of your patience in this situation, they do not deserve the maturity and patience from you anyway. You cannot force anybody to be civil on the road, so get over these exceptions.

The Biker Overtaker!

There was an incredible jam on Sarjapur Road this morning. We weren't allowed to enter Tank Bund road from Agara junction side (by a gruff looking cop, who didn't care when I wished him!) and were forced to take the left side main road to reach Jakkasandra. This road was an extraordinary mess as traffic started moving on both lanes and the whole thing jammed within minutes.

I had a black Santro Xing in front of me and he was driving reasonably well, quite patient too. A biker joined him on his left and wanted to overtake him and inch right in front of this Xing. Mr Xing wasn't interested in this charade. He was trying not to let the biker get past him in the extreme right lane - supposedly the speed lane (but who cares/ knows about right of way anyway?). At one point, the biker got desperate and forced himself in, while the Xing was trying his best to keep as close to the bumper of the car in front of him.

And the inevitable happened. Biker grazed Xing, Xing got pissed and stopped the car. Came out and had a hot little chat with the biker. All this while the traffic was moving in inches. I was right behind the Xing watching all this. The cars behind me started honking big time which forced Mr Xing to get back and move a few more inches. Stopped, and got out again for a 2nd chat. The biker didn't look very apologetic at all which put the Xing guy in a totally defensive mode and he winded up getting back to car with a sorry look on his face.

From the courtesy angle, what can you have done to avoid this little drama? How about letting the biker overtake you willingly and also let him know you're doing it consciously....all with that deadly weapon...smile? I let these two-wheelers overtake me by actually smiling at them and letting them overtake me with a wave! Most of them actually take a second look at me and let me go past the next time I have chance to legitimately overtake them on the right.

Try it. Its simple...just let go of your ego for some time and try this! It helps!

Be ashamed. Very very ashamed.

I find people regularly parking outside the GK Vale - on the right hand side of the road, in Koramangala 5th block. I'm sure they think, its just for a few minutes - they can just pick up their stuff and scoot. But it so happens that they manage to block the traffic since the other side of the road is usually parked to the hilt - usually double parked too - and this 'few minutes' bloke ends up blocking the traffic.

Just one small suggestion to you if you get that urge to park on the wrong side on any road - BE ASHAMED. VERY VERY ASHAMED. You're educated. Supposedly cultured and you're breaking a seemingly innocuous law that can cause amazing nuisance to a large group of people. Reason enough to be ASHAMED in all caps!

The point is being dramatic and different!

Some feedback on yesterday's posts...some folks wrote back on my suggestions sounding a tad implausible.

My intention behind this blog is not to reiterate existing road rules - its to do something off-beat so that people notice you're trying to communicate something different - for improving the standard of people using the roads.

For instance, when I let a perennial honker overtake I do it almost dramatically that he least expects such an action from another car driver. I literally stop in a huff on to one side of the road, roll down the window and with a smile, wave him to overtake me. The other guy, even if he's a cab driver, usually looks completely bewildered and is a bit too dazed to continue honking after someone else. Again, I use such tactics everyday when necessary and have seen it working occasionally too. There are of course folks who don't care what I do and just pass me. Fine with me....if I change/ initiate a change in one of them, thats a huge success.

The idea is to take folks one at a time.

The smiling while driving part also got some feedback on it not possible on an everyday basis. C'mon....just try it without being judgmental! Its simply a positive reinforcement to get yourself in a happy frame of mind.

Plus, how many people have you seen driving with a smile? On second thoughts, how many people have you seen smiling and moving on the road? More so when they are alone? Why not initiate a change and smile for a change - forcing a smile if need be? No, seriously, let go off preconceived notions and try it! You wont look like an idiot, driving with a smile alone in a car - I can vouch for that. If not anything, people will wonder why you're looking happy....you probably heard a good Babbar Sher on Radio City and on those lines. Good beginning I'd say.

Garbage out of a car window!

On my way back home today, was trailing a shiny new Innova with white shirt-dhoti types inside - near the Aiyappa Temple just before Agara Juntcion. Looked pretty decent until one of them rolled down the window and smack...flew a banana peel outside splat on the road. How I really wished I could tell them something. Not angrily of course, since that beats the purpose and is bound to get into a 'who-are-you-to-tell-me-that?' loop.

Was wondering if we can come up with a more subtle but effective way to tell such folks the kind of nuisance they are causing. How about a simple placard (to be kept handy) and fit it to the window as you try and drive adjacent/ past these folks?

Would that distract you from driving? Is that manageable? We could look at having a simple sentence, "Please do not throw garbage on the road out of your car. PLEASE!" fixed on the back of the sun-control vinyl boards with that suction pads...those things that you get in traffic signals. So, when you see someone treating Bangalore roads like a dustbin, just pick up this thing and stick to your driver-side window till you pass these blokes. How does that sound?

Given some feedback/ momentum, I can try and get a vendor to brand these messages and give it out as a gift to random people.

Bangalore traffic CAN be civil, if only we work towards it!

Anish Koshy's (now Aniisu Koshy) campaign on helmets is indeed the inspiration behind this. While his idea was to target two-wheeler riders, mine targets predominantly car drivers, though BMTC bus drivers can find something very very relevant here too!

The idea is to use creativity/ imagination to overcome the sheer annoyance of driving on Bangalore roads. And, bring some emotion, while we're at it! In other terms, Courting Courtesy is 'Gandhigiri on Roads'!

And no, I do not intend this as a campaign yet, but if it gathers steam, I'm not averse to getting a very good looking logo as a brand identity and printing appropriate, well designed stickers (at my own cost - no donations required whatsoever) and distribute it free to whoever wants to display (on their cars - windshield?) that they're consciously working on making driving in Bangalore roads better. Then of course, I can distribute leaflets outlining the following simple measures that you can follow towards this, in your everyday driving. The opportunity is endless!

Here's a 9 point list that shows how YOU can help?

01. Stop treating pedestrians like pests.
Yes, they can be pretty annoying most of the times and take undue advantage with their free movements on the road. But, instead of blowing your top, try slowing down your car and with a smile and simple sweep of your hand, let that motley crowd cross the road. Chances are that they have been waiting for the traffic to clear for quite some time. And you have consciously initiated the break in the flow, only to allow them to cross! Notice the immensely thankful look on their faces? That's exactly what a small sign of courtesy can do!

02. The Honker Overtaker
Stalked by a perennial honker desperate to overtake you - despite the fact that you're caught up in a serpentine queue of cars? Consciously move your car to the left and with a friendly smile, let the guy overtake you. Don't do this looking like you're going to answer a call...do it so visibly and if possible, dramatically, that our friend is left wondering why you're leaving your vantage position . But thats the point! Chances are, he might not continue honking others out, at least till you're in sight.

03. Horn Havoc
Besides a compulsive honker out of wreck havoc on your aural nerves? Let him overtake you, with a smile and sweep of hand and then tell him go easy on the horn, again politely, with a smile. The tone is always, 'Could you please try not to...". The fact that someone takes the effort to roll down windows and tell him/ her something, that too with a smile makes a huge difference!

04. The Sign on The Road!
Follow road signs/ traffic rules - not out of compulsion but for the belief that they really help make Bangalore roads a better place. If you're stuck in the head of a traffic signal, with a possibility to move ahead since there's no vehicle coming on the other sides, chances are that you'd be honked & egged to make a move. Do not move and turn back and politely point the signal - please do not let their annoyance bother you. Also, let the world pass you/ overtake you, but be an example and move only after the signal indicates you to. There's a reason why a traffic signal exists, right? This is all the more relevant in the late nights.

05. No Kidding!
Stop/ slow down your car and let children/ elders cross, pass by. Always smile politely at them to indicate that you're consciously letting them pass by/ cross and not just because they're pushy. Again, be the first one to break the non-stop traffic chain and set an example.

06. Hidden Intentions
Use indicators even for simple lane change/ overtakes to clearly indicate your intention. Thats what being road-educated is all about.

07. End That Argument
A heated argument is bound to drain your energy and enthusiasm in general. Avoid it by ending the issue by saying a polite sorry and not pointing fingers on the other person, even if he's clearly wrong. Control the impulse to show the finger and use your smile instead. Yes, this is a dicey issue and may take many hues based on caste/ the state you belong to/ language etc. But, making a move first to avoid an altercation always puts the onus on the other party to follow suit. Or so I believe, from experience.

08. Drive with a smile!
Trust me, I really love it when I see someone driving with a smile - and its rather strange that such a sight is so rare! So, if need be, force a smile in your face at least while driving. This may sound ridiculous and simple, but don't underestimate its power. Try it, its bound to change the way you drive.

09. Wish cops!
Yes, wish them. Good morning, Good afternoon, Good evening or even Good night. Or it could be a slightly difficult, 'Officer, you're doing a great job!'...this one takes practice and overcoming inhibitions! Show the cops you genuinely appreciate the job they're doing...its bound to have a ripple effect on overall traffic management.

These are just a few suggestions that I've found to be extraordinarily useful in driving more peacefully and following the 'drive-and-let-others-exist' policy. I practice them as and when feasible and do it diligently. Particularly when it comes to dramatics, I do it with all heart - dramatically moving out of the way of a compulsive honker, slow down on the left and let him move with a animated sweep of my hands and the all-important smile!

If you have something more to add, please do, in the comments section.

The most important point is the awareness that you do not become a wimp by letting someone overtake or having pedestrians cross in front of you. Its as wimpish as Sanjay Dutt not fighting back Boman Irani with his fists and choosing flowers instead. If you liked and appreciated that idea, I'm sure you'd understand what I'm suggesting here!